Saturday, May 12, 2007

First Story

Here is the first story of the Land of Bad Decisions. I wrote this story in about five minutes, maybe an hour before I performed it at the Terpoets open mic. It is very simple. Note: stories do not have to end the way that I ended my story; they can end in any way they need to.

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by Dan Schwartz

On a whim, I decided to try to live in the land of bad decisions. In order to live in the land of bad decisions, you have to make some bad decisions.

I decided to try to kick a pigeon. I wandered city streets and plazas, looking for my chance. I went to parks and statues. Finally I saw a fat, plump one eating some discarded bread. I lifted my leg back, and let it swing through. I made contact with it and sent it flying a couple of feet. I felt great. I had finally accomplished a dream!

But what I did not know was that it was a carrier pigeon, and that it was heartsick, and that it was angry at the world. It looked at me with hatred in its eyes, then flew up and pecked its beak into my face. I ran down the park, the pigeon attached to me. Young couples did not notice, but some small kids and adults did. When I got to the subway I knew that I had to convince the pigeon to leave. I begged with him, but he just stayed. He wanted to know, what kind of stupid fucking asshole was I? Eventually I was able to tear him away.

He said, what the fuck, man. What the fuck. I had no answers. This was the kind of thing that I would have to deal with. I told him I'm sorry, but that's the way I am. He took off and shat on my head. I stopped by a restaurant to wash myself off. I was not ashamed. I even ordered some nice food afterwards.

I am happy here in the land of bad decisions. There is a good rent here. Neighbors are unkind, but they don't bother me. I have fun times. Maybe you would like to visit. I don't know. I can't tell. Well. I have to talk to my landlord about the water problem though.

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1 comment:

Zack said...

"Neighbors are unkind, but they do not bother me."
For some reason, I love that line