Another story from me this week, a little different though.
by Dan Schwartz
I wanted to live in the land of bad decisions. In order to live in the land of bad decisions, you have to make some bad decisions.
Except sometimes you don't realize that something is a bad decision until after it happens. You can feel it running through you. Like hearing a rolling thunder and then still jumping at the flash of lightning. You know something is coming.
For example, I took a vacation to Mexico. I had most of it planned out. Then I thought I would deviate a little, and I went to a place I had never heard of, just to see what was there.
Now that I am in jail I have a lot of time to think about how it started. Bad decisions beget bad decisions, one leads to another. But thinking like this is problematic. Killing him was a bad decision, yes. But if I want to know where it started, how far back would I go? As far back as leaving my vacation plan? Or even coming to Mexico in the first place? Or even further, such as being born?
But I can't think like that, because thinking like that means that everything was in place before I arrived, and that it isn't my fault. And I know that it is my fault, and I will take responsibility. I know I made a bad decision, but I just wish I knew what the first one was.