Lucky number thirteen. Sorry this one is so late.
by Dan Schwartz
I wanted to live in the land of bad decisions. In order to live in the land of bad decisions, you have to make some bad decisions.
I lit a fire. In a bookstore. Oh, you're not going to like me for this one. Don't get me wrong, I love books, I like books. But I just had the sudden idea, and I was in the middle of the non-fiction section, and I couldn't wait. So I took out my matches and I lit a book about politics in Malaysia from 1800-1845.
I thought that would be it, really. I would put it on the ground, let it burn for a while, and leave. Well, the flames spread to another book, and then another, and, well, you can tell what happened next.
Luckily no one was hurt. Everyone escaped the bookstore in time. And the sprinklers came on, too, so all the books that weren't burned were soaked instead.
I really didn't think it would get out of hand. Of course, now I am banned from all bookstores, and libraries, universities, and most public parks. I'm an "arsonist," they say. Yeah, right. I just wanted to start one small fire! Is that so bad? It wasn't supposed to get out of control. I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
Or, you know what? I have no regrets. Yeah, that's how it should be.