Not sure why a lot of my stories focus on eating. I'm not that good at describing it. Oh well.
by Dan Schwartz
I wanted to live in the land of bad decisions. In order to live in the land of bad decisions, you have to make some bad decisions.
I wanted to eat a live animal. I was watching TV and they had this guy who ate the beating heart of a frog. "Not bad," was all he said. He didn't bother to say what it was like. I thought it was rude.
So I thought, I'll one-up this guy. I'll get a camera, eat an animal, put it on YouTube and get one million hits. It was perfect.
I started small, with a mouse. The guy at the pet store looked at me funny when I wasn't interested in any pellets or water or shavings. I set up my camera on a table at home and turned it on. "Okay," I said. "I am going to eat a mouse!"
I picked the mouse up in my hands and stared at it in the eye. "Sorry," I said. I put it in my mouth.
Well, I didn't end up eating it. I spit it out almost immediately. "Jesus fucking Christ!" I said. "That tastes awful!" I realized that I had no idea where the mouse had been. I felt sorry for what I had done.
At first I thought I wouldn't put the video on YouTube, but then I thought, if you're going to make a bad decision, you have to air it out publicly, for everyone to see. How else will anybody know?
So far I've only gotten five viewings.