Thursday, October 4, 2007

Story #23 - Killing a Sidewalk

This blog is steadily growing in readers, so I wanted to say: Hello!

And I wanted to remind everyone that what I wanted to do with this blog was to collect stories, to see what other people's responses would be to this one idea. I don't mind providing a new story every week, but I really was hoping that eventually people would start writing stories/poems of their own. So what I'm saying is: please send me a submission. It's not that difficult. I'd really like to hear what you have to say.

That being said, here's this week's story:

Killing a Sidewalk
by Dan Schwartz

I wanted to live in the land of bad decisions. In order to live in the land of bad decisions, you have to make some bad decisions.

I tripped on the sidewalk, and immediately my thoughts turned to revenge. This sort of thing could not stand. So I turned all my attention to how best to kill a sidewalk.

I bought some chalk and wrote "I SUCK" and "I AM TERRIBLE" and "STUPID" and "ASSFACE" on it. Wouldn't you know, people thought I was talking about myself. And the rain came and washed it away anyhow.

So in the middle of the night I got out of bed and went to the sidewalk and just sat there and took a huge dump, right there, right on the sidewalk. It was still there the next day. That would show it, I thought. But I knew that it wouldn't last forever.

Finally I realized that to end it once and for all, I would need to steal a jackhammer. You'd be surprised how unlocked some public works facilities' doors are. I had the good sense to borrow a hard hat and some earphones, too.

"Fuck you!" I said as I started the jackhammer. Yes, but I had never used one before and didn't know how to. And maybe I messed some things up. And maybe I broke a water main and caused some complaints. But that sidewalk was completely fucked up beyond repair after I got done with it.

Now the city council wants to repair it, of course, and they want to throw me in jail for several reasons. But I am not going to let that sidewalk get the better of me.

Fucking asshole.


1 comment:

Annalee said...

as always, freakin' hilarious. Really, spot on.