by Dan Schwartz
I wanted to live in the land of bad decisions. In order to live in the land of bad decisions, you have to make some bad decisions.
I wanted to know, how could I ruin my life using only cotton? I had to think hard about this one.
Eventually I bought a bag of cotton balls and started throwing them at people, one by one. These did little to no damage. "Stop that," they'd say, or "What?" So I had to stop.
But I noticed that all the cotton had collected on a pile on the floor. This gave me a good idea.
I bought some cotton shirts, cotton tips, even just raw cotton itself. I put them in the middle of the street with the other cotton balls. People tripped over them. It was great. Now I had my own army, my own massive force I could use to disrupt people.
I can't move it. I have to stay here, night and day, to make sure that no one tries to take it. Oh, God help you if you try to take it.
The city council is trying to force me to move. Ha! Let them. It will be futile, anyway. I now exist outside the laws of man. I'm just going to stay here. I'm just going to stay here.