by Dan Schwartz
I wanted to live in the land of bad decisions. In order to live in the land of bad decisions, you have to make some bad decisions.
At the zoo I didn't even bother with the warning signs, I just walked right up and over the fence and fell into the tiger pit. "What's up!" I said. "What it is!" I was so tired of just watching them sleep, watching them do nothing. I wanted to see something different.
Tigers are much bigger up close. One of them finally got up, yawned, and looked over at me. "Hello!" I said. Yes, by this time some zookeepers were upset, and they sere trying to get me out. But I wasn't done yet.
I saw the tiger get up and move towards me. I was not scared. I was not even drunk. I started to run around.
Tigers are very fast moving animals.
Oh, but those fucking zookeepers, they grabbed me and pulled me out of the tiger pit. Party poopers. But at least I got the tiger to bite part of my foot off. That was awesome.