Happy Thanksgiving, folks. Here's a story for this occasion.
by Dan Schwartz
I wanted to live in the land of bad decisions. In order to live in the land of bad decisions, you have to make some bad decisions.
Here's my plan for Thanksgiving: instead of having one of my own, I'm just going to crash other peoples'. Why can't Thanksgiving be a time for strangers to come into your house and take your shit?
It started good the first couple of houses. It's surprising how many people don't lock their doors today.
What I do is, usually, walk in to the house, say "Happy Thanksgiving everybody! Be thankful!" or something like that, grab a turkey leg, and then walk out. Then I run to the next house.
I got a good haul in the beginning - turkey legs, cranberry sauce, mashed potatoes, stuffing, and so on. All the fun of Thanksgiving without having to pay for it.
Of course, eventually I passed out on some one's lawn from eating and running so much, and someone came by and hit me with a plank of wood a couple of times. And yeah, it's "illegal" or whatever. But I think it just might have been my best Thanksgiving that I can remember.