Thursday, December 27, 2007

Story #35 - Starving

Here's a new one, the last one of 2007. Thanks for staying with it.

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Starving
by Dan Schwartz

I wanted to live in the land of bad decisions. In order to live in the land of bad decisions, you have to make some bad decisions.

I went on a hunger strike. Not for any reason, not for any cause, but just to do it, I guess. Hubris, that's what I would say. I stopped eating because I thought I would enjoy it.

I was wrong. It was maybe a day or two before I couldn't move, and so I would just sit on the couch or watch TV and get hungry. I stopped doing anything. I was very tired and very cranky often.

I would just sit there and try not to think about food, which is difficult, because food is so amazing. I mean it really is awesome. You should try it sometime. And every program on TV has some mention of food or of eating that it made me feel even worse.

I couldn't tell when I should break my hunger strike, as I was striking for no reason, but I decided it should be "before I die." So, yeah, I started eating again. But now I appreciate food, even the things that tasted bad. It is a good thing that you can do to yourself. It will be okay, I swear, I will be okay.

***

Happy new year.

Thursday, December 20, 2007

Story #34 - Hung Over

Sorry this story is so late, I got caught up with things. And it's going to be short, cause I don't have much to say. Here it is.

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Hung Over
by Dan Schwartz

I wanted to live in the land of bad decisions. In order to live in the land of bad decisions, you have to make some bad decisions.

And this morning, I was so hung over, God, it was awful. I had problems in my stomach and my brain. It was like being found at the bottom of the ocean. It was like being stepped on repeatedly by passers-by.

I couldn't get up or even move. I stayed there trying to go back to sleep, thinking that could save me, but I was not allowed to enter.

Here's what I have to say. The land of bad decisions is my favorite place. But sometimes to get there you have to pay a horrible price. This is the way I feel right now. This is the way I feel today.

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Thursday, December 13, 2007

Story #33 - Cookie, by Ivan Goldensohn

Today we have a new story by Ivan Goldensohn, a writer who goes to Maryland. He is a good man, and is always good to read. He is only the third writer to attempt an LOBD story! Follow his example and submit!

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Cookie
by Ivan Goldensohn

I wanted to live in the land of bad decisions. In order to live in the land of bad decisions, you have to make some bad decisions.

At first all I wanted was a cookie, not just any cookie, but a less then one day old chewy little bit of deliciousness sitting in a glass jar on top of the fridge. Granted I am only about five foot five, the fridge is a serious obstacle.
In order to get the cookie I opened the fridge door, and started to climb. My foot found a hold on a large jar of grey poupon and I reached up, grabbing the top of the fridge. I pulled my foot and placed it between a bottle of Tabasco and some unidentified leftover, and reached for the cookies, but the shelf I was standing on collapsed, causing me to fall, grasping at the cookies but only knocking them further away, and making half of the things in the door of the fridge fall and shatter on the ground. Luckily, I caught myself with my non-cookie grabbing hand on the top of the fridge, and this was how I found myself hanging from the top of the fridge above a colorful mess of condiments and broken glass, reds and yellows and blacks curdling together on the floor. As I am already this far, and my back route is blocked by the condiments avalanche, my only option is up, fortunately the same direction as the cookie. I try the next shelf up, and manage to get up higher before this shelf also collapses. There two shelves left, so I have to be careful with them, they may be my only chance for that cookie. I push up on the second to last shelf, pushing myself up and lunging for the cookie, but the smooth glass slides away from my hand and falls off the back of the fridge, disappearing from sight.

With great effort I swing my leg up over the top of the open fridge door, at this point my tummy is freezing, and hoist myself up completely onto the top of the fridge. Looking over the back edge of the fridge into the dusty darkness i can see the cookie jar wedged between the fridge coils and the wall about halfway down. I can't reach it with my arms, so I start to lean down the gap, sticking my head and upper body awkwardly down and trying to reach the cookie-jar, but its too far. I push myself further, straining against the fridge in order to make room for my body, but the fridge is solid and wont move. Using my knees and palms and heave back and the fridge leans, and then tips, and finally crashes to the floor, with me clinging to coils on its toppling back, watching the cookie-jar, now freed, falling as i watch helplessly to crash on the filthy ground, three lonely cookies, freed from their prison falling outwards and landing in the dirt, at the same time that the fridge crashes resoundingly onto the floor, and I with it.

Laying like a wounded soldier on the field of battle, atop my well insulated altar, surrounding by multicolored offerings, I pull myself to the edge, reach down, and pull a hapless cookie from a pile of blackish dust bunnies, and take a bite.

***

Thursday, December 6, 2007

Story #32 - Broken Glass

Sorry this one's so late. Hope you enjoy.

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Broken Glass
by Dan Schwartz

I wanted to live in the land of bad decisions. In order to live in the land of bad decisions, you have to make some bad decisions.

At a bar, I accidentally dropped a glass that was in my hand. Beer and glass shards spilled out onto the floor. This was an accident.

The bad decision is when I tried to do it every night from then on.

Not always at a bar, though. In my house, I would just take a glass from the cupboard and smash it on the floor. At restaurants I would casually knock it over, just blaming it on my clumsiness. I was having a ball.

I've kept my streak up, too. It's been 21 days so far. I'm pretty sure that I could do this thing for the rest of my life.

It's an expensive habit, though, to tell you the truth. I always have to buy new glassware, just so I can destroy it, or eat out at different restaurants - I can't do it at the same restaurant for so long, or they begin to get suspicious. So I really have to work hard at my job, try to get a raise.

This is now my motivation. You know, this bad decision might be the best decision I ever made.

***