Please remember, this story is a work of fiction and does not reflect my actual views. That being said, Maryland is the best state.
by Dan Schwartz
I wanted to live in the land of bad decisions. In order to live in the land of bad decisions, you have to make some bad decisions.
For years I thought Virginia was the land of bad decisions. I couldn't see any other reason why anyone would live there. It was the worst of the south combined with the worst of the north. It had nothing to offer to anyone. So I went.
At first, it wasn't so bad - I was disappointed in new and innovative ways. But soon I was surrounded, the horrible masses crowding around like zombies. The soulless, dead eyes of defense contractors and yuppies and hicks. I had forgotten one of the most important rules: the only thing worse than Virginia is Virginians.
The state of Virginia is not the land of bad decisions. You can make bad decisions there, as you can anywhere. But Virginia does not forgive or forget. It makes you want to not make any decision, not a good one, not a bad one, not now, not ever again.
Next stop: West Virginia.