Thursday, April 1, 2010

Story #59 - Breaking Vinyl - MBD #1

Happy April!

I believe it was T.S. Eliot who once said "April is the shittiest, stupidest, worst fucking month," so in honor of this I present to you: The Month of Bad Decisions!

I am going to attempt to post something on this blog every day this month! Thirty days of bad decisions, one after another.

You can participate too! Just send me a submission - write a story, poem, comic, or whatever, and I will put it up as part of the MBD. Just read the submission guidelines here.

Please enjoy!


Breaking Vinyl
By Dan Schwartz

I wanted to live in the land of bad decisions. In order to live in the land of bad decisions, you have to make some bad decisions.

Although, honestly? What I really wanted was to be a jerk. So I went over to my friend’s house and asked him to play me some vinyl records. “This is some sweet jazz music,” he said.

“Can I take a look at one of these records?” I said.

“Sure,” he said, and handed me an LP from the 1970s that he had purchased for $4.00 at a sale. I took it out of its sleeve, looked at the grooves set deep in the vinyl, and then broke it over the nearest table.

“What the fuck!” he said. But I wasn't done. The vinyl had smashed so easily in my hands, just right in two. So I grabbed some more records and this time used an antique Coke bottle to break it up. Both the bottle and the record made a brilliant mess on the floor.

“That’s what you get for using outdated technology!” I yelled, then I ran away before my friend could get his gun.

I went to my neighborhood record store, where a bunch of people were hanging out and listening to music. I brought a very heavy hammer. I walked down the aisles, just swinging it to and fro. “Fuck you!” I said. “And you as well!” I said. The sound of a breaking vinyl record was the only music I needed to hear.

I was disarmed a few minutes later though. It turns out that I’m not the first one to think of this, and it actually is legal for a record store owner to keep a tire iron for this sort of emergency. The hammer that I used was later used on me, but I understood that this was just.

Also, my friend from earlier went over to my house with a wrench and smashed up my computer and iPod. That’s okay, though – my ears got all bloodied and I won’t be able to hear for a while anyway.


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