The Month of Bad Decisions continues! If you have a submission for the blog, please email me!
Froze the Sidewalk
by Dan Schwartz
I wanted to live in the land of bad decisions. In order to live in the land of bad decisions, you have to make some bad decisions.
I decided that I would freeze the sidewalk in front of my house. I got a lot of ice and leftover snow, and even some liquid nitrogen for good measure. I poured it all over my front yard. I wanted it to be winter all the time.
It worked brilliantly. People would be walking or running on the street, and suddenly trip and fall. At which point I would be on my porch in my winter coat, pointing and laughing.
The community zoning board eventually appeared on my doorstep – although they had to wade through a mound of ice and snow to get there. They told me that if I didn’t unfreeze the sidewalk, I would be charged an extremely exorbitant fine. I had used all my money on the liquid nitrogen. So I said, okay.
What I did was, I broke up some of the ice, and left some the way it was. That made my front yard into ice floes. One day these floes will crack and possibly melt, and then my house will become an island.
Fuck you, zoning board.