Here is today's story! The Month of Bad Decisions continues on!
Wrote a Fake Memoir
by Dan Schwartz
I wanted to live in the land of bad decisions. In order to live in the land of bad decisions, you have to make some bad decisions.
I opened up my word processor and started writing whatever I could think of. I wrote about how below deck during a storm on the Pacific Ocean, how I traveled around the world by the time I was 4. How I became an orphan, and how I befriended a kitten that stayed with me my whole life. I wrote about my failed political ambitions. I wrote about my encounter with aliens. All in all I managed to get about 50,000 words of my touching life story.
I didn’t expect to find a publisher, but when I queried it I received offers from every conceivable publishing house. Suddenly my book was a huge seller. I did hundreds of interviews and media appearances. The best part, I always said, was how everything was unverifiable. (Indeed, there was that chapter about how I lived off the grid for awhile.)
Eventually someone caught on that maybe I wasn’t the lost heir of the Ottoman Empire, and I was forced to make a public clarification. I was lambasted in several newspapers that had previously sung my praises. At one point a genuine pitchfork mob came after me. Sales of my book plummeted, but you can still find them in most remainder bins. However, this experience has been a good one, and I am going to use most of it in my second book.