Here we have the 10th posting in the Month of Bad Decisions! If you're just checking out the site, catch up on the whole month. There are some other ones in the archives. And also submit something yourself!
Defaced a Painting
by Dan Schwartz
I wanted to live in the land of bad decisions. In order to live in the land of bad decisions, you have to make some bad decisions.
I was at this art museum, and I saw a painting in front of me. It was entirely black, with a few white spots on it. It looked terrible to me, but I guess I am not one to judge. I thought that maybe now was the time to do something. I looked around me. I was the only one in the room. I stepped forward and placed my hand on the painting.
Museum guards are fucking fast, let me tell you. Within seconds of putting my hand there I was face down on the floor, with a guard holding me down with his knee. Another guard took out a baton (they have batons, did you know that?) and started to beat me across the head with it. A third guard came and kicked me in the shins, I don’t know why. When I was done they sat me on a chair and took turns punching my face.
The last thing they did was take me to the second floor balcony of the museum overlooking the lobby and threw me off of it. I landed with a thud on the ground. Then they carted my body outside, took any possessions I had, and left me in the middle of the street. They handed me a piece of paper that said “Lifetime Ban” on it.
I guess some people just take art very seriously.