Hi everyone, got a new story today! The Month of Bad Decisions continues on. I've got something really great coming up tomorrow, so make sure you come back for that. For now, here is today's story.
Overstated My Importance
by Dan Schwartz
I wanted to live in the land of bad decisions. In order to live in the land of bad decisions, you have to make some bad decisions.
I was feeling very good one day. So I decided that I was extremely important, and that everyone should know it. I wrote a blog post that said, “It might not be clear but I am the most important person on this planet.” I received no comments.
It continued at work. My boss came and asked me to do something. “I can’t right now,” I said. “I’m too important.” Then I realized what I sad might not have the same effect while playing Solitaire. If I believed I was important, then I had to act important. So I got up and said, “I’m also going to make a few changes. Firstly, I will now receive $750,000 a month. All phone calls will be directed to me, then to someone else, then back to me.” I was quickly fired.
I took it upon myself to inform my landlord that I was actually his landlord, and that he owed me the late rent money. He responded by turning off my water and gas. That’s okay, as I own the utility companies.
I went to the bank and said, “I am the president of this bank.” Only it turns out that they can verify that sort of thing, so it didn’t go well.
So I then declared myself to be Emperor of Earth, and that all world business would have to be funneled through me. Then I realized I was too important for affairs like that, so I delegated my responsibility to my underlings, a.k.a. the leaders of most of the nations and a few other people. So far, so good. I am currently taking applications for a high-level position – maybe a minister of something.