Hello again, it is time for another story in the Month of Bad Decisions! If you are just reading this site for the first time, I am posting a new story every day for the month of April, instead of once a week as I usually do. Also, if you want to submit your own story, poem, or whatever, please do and it will run on the site. For now, enjoy today's story.
Filled a House Full of Tea
by Dan Schwartz
I wanted to live in the land of bad decisions. In order to live in the land of bad decisions, you have to make some bad decisions.
I wanted a tea house. That is to say, I wanted to fill my house completely full of tea. So I turned on every faucet in my place after stopping up any drains I had. Soon I had flooded my entire house. But the water wasn’t warm. What was the point of that? I thought about turning on some of the electrical stuff in the house, then realized that would probably be an even worse decision. So I had to let all the water out.
What I did next was to install one of those instant hot water faucets that old people have. Then I had to insulate my house more, so that the heat wouldn’t immediately escape. I studied how an electric kettle worked, but still didn’t understand it so I got an engineer friend of mine to do it. All of this was expensive, but I felt it was worth it.
I tried again, and my house was completely full of hot water. I opened up a window on the top floor and threw in a hundred tea bags. Then I waited a few days for the water to steep. It looked great. At first I thought I might swim in it, but I did not want to be scalded. So I grabbed a cup, dipped it into the tea, and drank it. It tasted like furniture. It’s possible that I might have got my measurements wrong.
But it worked. I have all the tea that I could need, in my house, whenever I wanted it. Only, some fucking kids came by and broke one of my windows, and all the tea came flowing out. Now there is a giant mess in front of my house that I refuse to clean up, no matter what anyone says.