The Land of Bad Decisions is back! Once again I'll be posting something new every Monday night. I hope that you enjoyed the Month of Bad Decisions, something that I'll definitely do again next April. Thanks for reading and for sending in your submissions.
And just a reminder - I take submissions year round. And also I just want to clarify, I will almost never reject anything you send to me. I want to hear different voices of different writers, talking about their own bad decisions. So write something and submit! In the meantime, enjoy today's story.
Tried to Break a Tree by Kicking It
by Dan Schwartz
I wanted to live in the land of bad decisions. In order to live in the land of bad decisions, you have to make some bad decisions.
I was walking in the woods when I heard a loud snap. I looked down to see that I had stepped on a small twig, breaking it. This, I decided, was a great idea. I went around looking for other twigs, branches, and roots that I could break with my feet. It was a good way to spend an afternoon. But I wanted more. I wanted to break a tree.
I knew I couldn’t break something like an oak tree. But I didn’t want to break one of those skinny trees you see in grocery store parking lots. I wanted the real thing. I settled on a cedar tree in the middle of the forest that I thought no one would miss. “Okay,” I said. “It is you and me.” Then I imagined the tree had a face, and kicked it in the face.
Of course it didn’t work. But I tried again, and again and again. I barely made any dent in the tree. I tried many different spots, hoping that this would be the tree’s center of gravity and/or weak spot. No luck. I wasn’t convinced, though, that it was due to my lack of leg strength. I stood a few feet away, reared up, got a running start, jumped and stuck my leg out.
I completely fucking missed. I landed on my leg funny. I had to be medivaced and undergo physical therapy. You win this round, tree, but next time? Watch your ass.