Hello again! It is time now for another Land of Bad Decisions story. If you like it, please consider writing something of your own and sending it to me! Please enjoy this week's entry.
Keyed Everyone's Car
by Dan Schwartz
I wanted to live in the land of bad decisions. In order to live in the land of bad decisions, you have to make some bad decisions.
I was leaving early from a baseball game (the team I liked was losing 1-17) when, drunk off of $10 beers, I came across the parking lot. After thinking only for a moment, I took my keys out of my pocket and ran them across the side of everyone’s car.
Personally I had a great time. At first I would try to think of interesting designs I could do, like drawing flowers or waves. Then I realized that what I really wanted was to hit every car in the parking lot. The game was in the 7th inning, and I only had so much time. So I ran from one end to the other, keys in both my hands, ruining everyone’s paint. It was so fulfilling when I got the last car, just in time for the game to be over. As people started walking to their cars, I was long gone, thinking they would never know it was me.
Here’s how they knew it was me: they traced the marks on the keys and found out which key it belonged to, and did that for every mark I made. They knew what keys were on my keychain. Then they put them together and figured out who would own this set of keys, referenced with who attended the game. This was enough evidence to put me in a jail for a little while.
I’m not even mad at anyone. I am genuinely impressed.