Monday, June 28, 2010

Story #96 - Fell Asleep In A Public Place

Hello! There is a new LOBD story for you to read, and I hope that it finds you well.

Also, a programming note: There won't be an update next week, due to the 4th of July holiday in the US. But that is a good time for you to write a submission and send it to me, I think. Please enjoy today's story.

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Fell Asleep in a Public Place
by Dan Schwartz

I wanted to live in the land of bad decisions. In order to live in the land of bad decisions, you have to make some bad decisions.

I was so tired, sitting on a park bench in the city, and I didn't feel like getting up and going home or to a hotel. So I put my head down and fell asleep right then and there. You can probably guess what happened next.

A massive thunderstorm came, and poured rain all over me. When I woke up I was drenched. I felt a little sick. I went to the hospital. While I was there the staff stole my clothes and also my watch. I argued with them, asking them what happened. I thought briefly about starting a five-year lawsuit, but decided it wouldn't be worth the energy. So I left in the hospital gown they gave me.

When I got home I found that my home had been burned to the ground. That's just what happens, I thought. Now I live in my car. The seats are surprisingly comfortable. I am giving it two, three weeks at most before I am arrested. I am also thinking of taking a multi-city tour. Not that I have the money for it, but I could if I wanted to.

I have not talked to another person in probably a long time.

Other than that, though, I feel like things are mostly positive in my life now.

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Monday, June 21, 2010

Story #95 - Walked Through Things

Hello, hope you are having a good day so far - here is another LOBD story for you.

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Walked Through Things
by Dan Schwartz

I wanted to live in the land of bad decisions. In order to live in the land of bad decisions, you have to make some bad decisions.

I didn't like the idea of things being in my way. For example, a door. Why should I have to open it? It should just open on its own, or, preferably, not be there at all. So I tried to walk through it. Now, obviously, I met with some initial difficulty. No matter how many times I walked into it, the door still remained. So I tried maybe running into it, or breaking it down. The door began to weaken. It took a very, very long time, but finally I managed to smash the door, and I calmly walked through it as though I wasn't bleeding from everywhere.

I did this with everything that came up in my way. A chair, for example, was in my path, so I tried walking through it. All I did was knock it over, and then push it along as I moved forward. Eventually it did get out of my way. This would happen with tables, glassware, and large windows. I came to a tree that I didn't like, but decided that, for now, it could stay.

I came to a wall. And no matter what I did, it would not fall over or make a path for me. I thought of television shows, where I could make a hole in the wall the exact shape and dimensions as myself. But I could not realize this dream. Eventually I had to lie down.

I hoped for the future. I think I would like to be a cyborg. They are made of metal, and can easily walk through anything that is in their path. That could be my dream. Actually, come to think of it, a metal suit wouldn't be that bad. That, or attaching a giant buzzsaw to my arm.

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Monday, June 14, 2010

Story #94 - Disbelieved In Birds

Hello! Here is a new LOBD story for you - please remember that I am taking submissions, be they fiction, non-fiction, poetry, audio, video, or what have you. Check out the guidelines and send me an email. Enjoy today's story!

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Disbelieved in Birds
by Dan Schwartz

I wanted to live in the land of bad decisions. In order to live in the land of bad decisions, you have to make some bad decisions.

I decided that I didn't believe in birds. They didn't exist. I saw a woodpecker on the top of a telephone pole and I thought, that isn't there. I'm not seeing anything. It's probably just an aerodynamic rat.

I felt a lot better after this. Finally, my life was less complicated. I didn't have to worry about what finches were up to. I took down the bird feeder in my back yard because, what was the point.

If I saw a bird on TV, I knew that I was looking at a fictional creation, like ghosts or vampires. People talking about them were talking about myths. I smiled to myself, like I did when I figured out about the Easter bunny scam.

And if I was walking down the street and there'd be something awfully like a bird on the sidewalk, or if I looked up and saw something in the sky, I knew that what I was seeing wasn't real. There was no question. It could have been mental problems, sure. Or just old memories trying to return. But I was smarter than that. I knew what was right. And nothing, not anything that you could say or show to me would convince me otherwise.

Life is better, in so many ways.

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Monday, June 7, 2010

Story #93 - Defenestrated Myself

Congratulations if you made it to June! To celebrate, have a new LOBD for this week. And don't forget to send an email to me to submit something to the site.

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Defenestrated Myself
by Dan Schwartz

I wanted to live in the land of bad decisions. In order to live in the land of bad decisions, you have to make some bad decisions.

I picked myself up by the collar and heaved myself toward the window, which I crashed through. I was on the first floor, so it wasn't bad. Still, the broken glass around me, the blood, the feeling of not wanting to get up, as if the ground were a sofa. I got up, apologized to the other bar patrons, and went home.

At home I noticed that I had a few windows on the ground floor as well. So I did what I could for each of them. Some of the windows were just a screen, and I found that preferable. On the other hand, there's just something so physical about breaking glass. Maybe it's the sound it makes. When I had used up all the windows in my house, I went to bed. The plan was to call a glass repairman, and then start all over again.

I said this all to a friend of mine, and she said I was doing it wrong. "You can't throw yourself out a window," she said. "Defenestration is when someone throws you out. It's not enough just to do it yourself."

"Oh," I said. Then: "Would you help me out?"

Her face lit up. "Would I ever," she said. She grabbed me, dragged me down the hallway, and chucked me out the window. Then she walked away.

I sat on the ground, covered in glass, and didn't feel like going anywhere at all. I watched the sun set.

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