Congratulations if you made it to June! To celebrate, have a new LOBD for this week. And don't forget to send an email to me to submit something to the site.
by Dan Schwartz
I wanted to live in the land of bad decisions. In order to live in the land of bad decisions, you have to make some bad decisions.
I picked myself up by the collar and heaved myself toward the window, which I crashed through. I was on the first floor, so it wasn't bad. Still, the broken glass around me, the blood, the feeling of not wanting to get up, as if the ground were a sofa. I got up, apologized to the other bar patrons, and went home.
At home I noticed that I had a few windows on the ground floor as well. So I did what I could for each of them. Some of the windows were just a screen, and I found that preferable. On the other hand, there's just something so physical about breaking glass. Maybe it's the sound it makes. When I had used up all the windows in my house, I went to bed. The plan was to call a glass repairman, and then start all over again.
I said this all to a friend of mine, and she said I was doing it wrong. "You can't throw yourself out a window," she said. "Defenestration is when someone throws you out. It's not enough just to do it yourself."
"Oh," I said. Then: "Would you help me out?"
Her face lit up. "Would I ever," she said. She grabbed me, dragged me down the hallway, and chucked me out the window. Then she walked away.
I sat on the ground, covered in glass, and didn't feel like going anywhere at all. I watched the sun set.