Punched My Way Through A Grocery Store
by Dan Schwartz
I wanted to live in the land of bad decisions. In order to live in the land of bad decisions, you have to make some bad decisions.
I was in the grocery store, looking at various prices of fruits, when it occurred to me that a much better use of my time would be to start punching everyone in the whole fucking store.
And so it was. I walked up to the first guy, tapped him on the shoulder, and socked him in the face. Before anyone could react I was on to the next guy. And so on, and so on. I didn’t stop until the last person in the store had been punched.
This led to an awkward situation, as no one had actually been knocked out. They were just dazed for a few seconds. As I was leaving the store, I made the mistake of looking back, to see dozens of men and women charging after me.
I was honestly hoping that no one would mind. I figured out afterwards what my mistake had been. It is just as well. I still count it as a success that I managed to hit everyone in the store.
So far, I am happy to say, no one has attempted to copycat my shining achievement, my singular effort.