Destroyed A Public Park Through Equipment
by Dan Schwartz
I wanted to live in the land of bad decisions. In order to live in the land of bad decisions, you have to make some bad decisions.
Look, all I’m saying is, if you work at a construction site, and you leave one of the backhoes unmanned, I am going to take it.
The site was next to a public park, where a few people were off in a corner doing who knows what (having a picnic maybe). I drove onto the grass. The equipment was loud, and I was not wearing earplugs or even a hard hat. Still, I dug that shit deep into the ground. I wasn’t sure about the controls, but managed to figure out a little bit. I understood “up” and “down.”
I drove to random spots in the park, doing God’s work. You wouldn’t believe what the park looked like after I finished with it. It was a complete mess of dirt and ugliness. I left the backhoe running and stepped down, raising my arms in victory.
Of course I was arrested, that is the only thing that makes sense. But you tell me: Who won this battle, really? (It was me. I won the battle.)