Tried To Go To Space
by Dan Schwartz
I wanted to live in the land of bad decisions. In order to live in the land of bad decisions, you have to make some bad decisions.
I really wanted to go to space, but didn't want to spend all that time or money "going to school" or "becoming an astronaut." I read that the space program was being discontinued, so I knew that if I wanted to go to space, I had to do it myself.
My main point of reference was old cartoons. A giant catapult didn't work. Nor did running really fast. One thing that looked promising was a rocket sled. All I need was miles of track and some rockets (I had the sled part from earlier). But sadly, rockets are not easy to get in my state, and even when crossing border lines to a store, they didn't have anything that will "get a person to space," and didn't like it when I said that.
So I made a last ditch attempt - sneaking on to the next space shuttle flight. Sadly, however, it was delayed, and I was arrested, put on trial, convicted, and am now serving time. But, you know. Things happen. It's impossible to say, right now, with certainty, that the dream is over.