Got On The Bad Side Of A Clown
by Dan Schwartz
I wanted to live in the land of bad decisions. In order to live in the land of bad decisions, you have to make some bad decisions.
I was watching an unhealthy amount of old Batman re-runs, and I thought, what would it like to have a clown for an arch-nemesis? So I decided to find out.
I went to the circus and saw the performances. They were unmemorable. There was one clown whose only job was to stand there and make emphatic gestures. Other than his arms he did not move for the entire night.
So after the show I went and told him what I thought. He said nothing, but smiled the whole time. At least I think he did? He had that makeup on so I couldn’t tell. But anyway, I thought that my business was done.
Only I never heard back from him. I suppose that maybe I expected more of a revenge type scenario, but instead I got the one clown that was not completely evil.
So I sort of maybe escalated my attacks on this man (both verbal and physical). I maybe called him at his house, and maybe I stalked him from town to town. Who is to say.
The important thing is, he eventually did get his revenge on me. But it wasn’t even a clever clown revenge! It was a restraining order. That guy. Not even one laughing gas bomb. I hate to say it, but having a clown for a nemesis isn’t as great as it’s made out to be.