Sunday, April 1, 2012

Story #131 - Invented Cheese - MBD #1

Hi everyone! As T.S. Eliot once said, "April is just a fucking nightmare all around," and to celebrate here we present the Month of Bad Decisions! There will be a new LOBD story every day in April. Posts will go up around 12 pm each day. Please enjoy!

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Invented Cheese
by Dan Schwartz

I wanted to live in the land of bad decisions. In order to live in the land of bad decisions, you have to make some bad decisions.

I was making an omelet and I wanted cheese, but I didn't have cheese, and I realized, no, it's me, i'm the one, we're in old times, I have to be the one to invent cheese, it's all up to me, it's what I am. So I went outside to the nearest cow, the one on my porch, and I said, This is going to be okay, we're all going to be ok, and I milked the cow, the way I had seen it done, and in my head was history, saying this is ist, this is how we're going to do it, we're going to do it! We're making it happen! And the milk was collected in a bucket. But then a crash. What do I do now? How do I invent cheese? No, I'm so close, I can't give up, don't I just let it sit outside for a while? No I've got to do something, so I put it in a churn and I churned that motherfucker, but, wait, shit, that's butter, now I have butter, butter is cheese now, that is what it is, this is how it is going to be from now on. I'm sorry everyone.

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