Saved a Whale
by Dan Schwartz
I wanted to live in the land of bad decisions. In order to live in the land of bad decisions, you have to make some bad decisions.
I saved a whale. A man with a piece of paper had exhorted me to. Now I have a whale. It was about to be eaten by a larger whale and I saved it. I said "look out!" and the whale swerved away and was not eaten. It was a great moment for us.
Now the whale feels it is in my debt. It brings me presents. The other day it brought me a bunch of plankton. I don't know how I feel about this. I said "Thank you," and took it inside. The whale made a noise. So I took the plankton inside and I ate it, just to please the whale. I hope it is happy.
The whale always wants to get together. I don't always have time. There isn't much I can say. All I want is a card at Christmas. We are friends but we don't have to see or think about each other all the time. It'll be all right.