Mowed a Lawn
by Dan Schwartz
I wanted to live in the land of bad decisions. In order to live in the land of bad decisions, you have to make some bad decisions.
I mowed my neighbor's lawn. But she wasn't expecting me to. So she brought out a shotgun. "Get away," she said. "All I want is to mow everyone's lawn!" I said. "This neighborhood will be nicer if that happens." She fired a warning shot. "Go away," she said. "But!" I said. She fired a second shot. It hit the lawnmower. The lawnmower exploded. A pile of metal parts was all that was left. "Next shot's for you," she said.
"How could you?" I said. She cocked the shotgun. I thought that this was a good time to leave. I've got to remind myself not to do anything anymore.