Threw My Phone Out The Window
by Dan Schwartz
I wanted to live in the land of bad decisions. In order to live in the land of bad decisions, you have to make some bad decisions.
I was sewing my mouth shut when the phone rang! How embarrassing. "Hello?" I said. There was just heavy breathing on the other end, so I breathed heavier too, until I was wheezing and spitting all over everywhere, and I said "Watch out" and hung up. Good times. Well I had to lie down for a little bit after that but when I got up I thought, why not throw my fucking phone out the window?
So I did, and it hit a small child. AAaaaaaaaaaaargh look I didn't mean it, I know I know I have to go to jail but come on what the fuck!! At least it didn't hit a cat or anything. Look I'll pay the damages man just give me a break. I'm already having a rough day as it is. Aw maaaan this sucks.