Caused A Scene At A Hardware Store
by Dan Schwartz
I wanted to live in the land of bad decisions. In order to live in the land of bad decisions, you have to make some bad decisions.
I had a moment the other day. That was weird, so I stopped it. I was going to the hardware store when I thought the best thing to do was start something, so I took a paint can from the shelf and threw it at a guy, then I took a saw from a different shelf and threw it at a different guy, then I was spreading screws everywhere and whipping batteries at people, and it was all well and good until the Earth opened up and swallowed me whole, and a voice from nowhere said "Now You Will Be Judged" and a history of my entire life went by in one second, and I was cast head first into an abyss, and it's so dark and cold, don't you know, it's abyssmal GET IT??? HA HA anyway it really sucks and I shouldn't have done that, I shouldn't have done anything, but luckily I kept one of the screws I was holding and I stare at it for hours on end. What an intricate design! I never would have thought of anything like that.