Threw Everything Into One Pile
by Dan Schwartz
I wanted to live in the land of bad decisions. In order to live in the land of bad decisions, you have to make some bad decisions.
I had too much stuff! Look at all these books on this shelf. Welp, time to throw them on the floor in one pile. Hooray! Good. This is a good thing. Here are some more. Excuse me, I can't talk to you right now, I am throwing everything into one pile. Life is better! It is much easier to know where everything is now. "Where is that thing?" "Oh it's over here in this pile." Great!
The only problem is THIEVES and ARSONISTS aaaaaaahhhhhhhh I should have said Larcenists & Arsonists, that would have been better. But still! Motherfuckers know where my things are, they want to take them or burn them, come on guys! What's the deal? For real. Please go away.
Especially because now that everything is in one pile this is where I like to sleep!!!!!!!1!!11!111!! I mean come on my bed is in the pile anyway, might as well put it on the top. (Of course it is partially covered in other things, that is how a pile works.) But good LORD I never thought I would be this ANGRY at everyone. Just let me have my pile in piece, or I will put YOU in this pile, by that I mean your BONES because you will only be a SKELETON soon, do you get what I am getting at, this is a threat, do you understand that, aaaaahhh
Sorry, I got worked up. Anyway, give me more things and they will go onto this pile ASAP.